tennis parents

[bruce]

Does anyone have a suggestion for a couple of good books, articles, websites, dvd's outlining junior development that i can give to a difficult tennis parent to read.

He is yelling at the girl (reasonably talented 10 years old) for not performing in tournaments and not training hard enough. He is pushing way too hard. She is already depressed. I have spoken to him about the problem at length, but it would help if i could back up my views with something he might view as more authoritative.

thanks in advance for any suggestions.

[klacr]

Bruce,

Sorry to hear about this issue. There are numerous books on tennis parenting out there. A simple google search will give you that answer. One of my favorites is "THE TENNIS PARENT'S BIBLE" by Frank Giampaolo who is also a tennsiplayer.net contributor. There is also a quiz for parents produced by USTA that shows tells the parent show they are handling the process

http://assets.usta.com/assets/1/USTA...oc_437_105.pdf

However, in my experience, A parent that has already verbally or physically abused a child is already too deep down the rabbit hole and rehabilitate. if it is a parent of one of my students I simply give them an ultimatum, allow me to continue working with your child but you cannot watch the lesson/be physically present during the lesson. Or the second option in which I refuse to teach his kid until the parent learns to settle down.

Kyle LaCroix USPTA
Boca Raton

[GeoffWilliams]

An awful lot of kids would never have reached world class without pushy parents, ala Andre. Misery loves company, and it also motivates, fuels the anger tank, the I'll show you tank, the hatred tank, the memory tank. It's far more common for a parent who can't play: teaching their kids to be world class, than a coach who can't play. Seles, williams, pearce, sharapov, khornikov, agassi, etceterapov.

Driven parents create driven kids. Even with all his complaining, agassi would have been a nobody without his crazy dad driving him. To make an omelette, you got to crack a few heads.

[klacr]

An awful lot of kids would never have reached world class without pushy parents, ala Andre. Misery loves company, and it also motivates, fuels the anger tank, the I'll show you tank, the hatred tank, the memory tank. It's far more common for a parent who can't play: teaching their kids to be world class, than a coach who can't play. Seles, williams, pearce, sharapov, khornikov, agassi, etceterapov.

Driven parents create driven kids. Even with all his complaining, agassi would have been a nobody without his crazy dad driving him. To make an omelette, you got to crack a few heads.

I do agree with this to a point. Pushy parents yes. Abusive parents, no. For Every Agassi there are thousands of others that have left tennis and never wanna go back. Sampras and Federer's parents weren't pushy. They also turned out ok. Didn't they?

Kyle LaCroix USPTA
Boca Raton

[johnyandell]

But really guys the chance of any given 10 year old ending up in pro tennis is zero. The role of the parent should be as a parent. Anyone who is yelling at a 10 year old about oncourt performance is not fulfilling that role in my opinion.

[johnyandell]

And Bruce,

Probably out of print but Jim Loehr's Training the Tennis parent. The book from Frank is good on these issues as well.

John Yandell

[gzhpcu]

But really guys the chance of any given 10 year old ending up in pro tennis is zero. The role of the parent should be as a parent. Anyone who is yelling at a 10 year old about oncourt performance is not fulfilling that role in my opinion.

We have a little Russian girl at our club about 10 years old, who never smiles. She squeals like a little Sharapova (and looks like a little Sharapova). Her father is behind the fence yelling at her everytime she misses a ball.

She does not look a happy little girl, as she should be at that age. She only speaks Russian, and her father does not want her to mingle with other little kids, only wants her to play with her trainer.

Can't tell him anything, since he only speaks Russian...

[klacr]

We have a little Russian girl at our club about 10 years old, who never smiles. She squeals like a little Sharapova (and looks like a little Sharapova). Her father is behind the fence yelling at her everytime she misses a ball.

She does not look a happy little girl, as she should be at that age. She only speaks Russian, and her father does not want her to mingle with other little kids, only wants her to play with her trainer.

Can't tell him anything, since he only speaks Russian...

Yeah, that sounds healthy. Heart goes out to her. What happened to parents being parents? Lets kids be kids.

Bruce, the Loehr book is excellent that John mentioned as well.

Kyle LaCroix USPTA
Boca Raton

[hockeyscout]

Wow ...

Does anyone have a suggestion for a couple of good books, articles, websites, dvd's outlining junior development that i can give to a difficult tennis parent to read.

He is yelling at the girl (reasonably talented 10 years old) for not performing in tournaments and not training hard enough. He is pushing way too hard. She is already depressed. I have spoken to him about the problem at length, but it would help if i could back up my views with something he might view as more authoritative.

thanks in advance for any suggestions.

Walk off the court if you don't like it. I do it all the time. I see something I don't like, and I walk, and say nothing. Works rather well. Why are you a party to his drama, and having long romantic conversations. Just leave, they'll sort it out, and if they don't, well, don't come back, or maybe better for all they won't.

[stotty]

Walk off the court if you don't like it. I do it all the time. I see something I don't like, and I walk, and say nothing. Works rather well. Why are you a party to his drama, and having long romantic conversations. Just leave, they'll sort it out, and if they don't, well, don't come back, or maybe better for all they won't.

For once I agree with you...

[GeoffWilliams]

Film it with your cell phone and show it/email it to the asshole. Kids don't really have any defense against them.

[hockeyscout]

Scam artists in tennis ...

For once I agree with you...

That's a bad sign, you agreeing with me. I will need to rethink my approach now.

[klacr]

We don't really know what Federer's or Sampras' parents were really like, and for all we know they could have crafted the perfect media image.

Absolutely. All parties involved could have faked their intentions and attitudes throughout their sons' entire playing careers, not letting anyone else know that deep down inside that both Sam and Georgia Sampras as well as Robert and Lynette Federer are bat shit crazy tennis parents. Maybe we'll never know.

Kyle LaCroix USPTA
Boca Raton

[don_budge]

Tennis Parents...Swedish Style

Does anyone have a suggestion for a couple of good books, articles, websites, dvd's outlining junior development that i can give to a difficult tennis parent to read.

He is yelling at the girl (reasonably talented 10 years old) for not performing in tournaments and not training hard enough. He is pushing way too hard. She is already depressed. I have spoken to him about the problem at length, but it would help if i could back up my views with something he might view as more authoritative.

thanks in advance for any suggestions.

Tennis is a sport in a league of it's own. In this modern age of tennis the trend has been to try and get as many "children" involved as possible. Where you have children you normally will find parents.

When I say that tennis is in a league of it's own I am saying the obvious...there aren't any other sports that are one on one that don't involve physical contact. The complex individualistic nature of tennis is one of technique and tactics...well it used to be tactics in the past. Now it seems that it is one of mostly technique. You can witness this even on the forum here where given the option most will settle for discussing the ATP 3 forehand. Tennis is actually a sport of total engagement in a physical, emotional and intellectual sense not to mention philosophical or aesthetic approaches. This is not a child like subject although the powers that be have more or less reduced it to one and have deemed it so.

Not too many kids are born with that sort of instinct to compete on a visceral level...so someone has to push. Or rather...someone has to motivate. Hopefully the motivation is part of the educational process. The development process. Some kids are natural born killers...some are more of the grazing mentality. Others can more or less grow into it to some degree...some more than the others. This is what makes the sport so unique. The process is pretty darned psychological in nature...very complex. It's a lot easier when you are dealing with team sports as you have leaders who can also help to generate motivation and the team concept applies it's own subtle pressure on the participant to be motivated...so they won't look bad compared to the teammates. If you know what I mean.

The effort to motivate the child is ideally a collaborative process between the coach and the parents...but it is ill advised for the parent to play the heavy. The bad cop. This can interfere with the most important role of the parent...which is to be a parent. Playing both roles is many times a source of consternation for both parties.

In Sweden it is against the law to use any form of corporal punishment. Children have temper tantrums in public and the only thing that the parent can do is wait it out...until the child is finished with his tantrum. Parents are not very pushy here as a rule. They are more indulgent than anything else. Children here are considered "little people" and they have all of the rights that go along with it...even if in reality they are little monsters. I am not certain about the relative merits of such a parenting paradigm.

In the past I have made a bit of a reputation as being "the pushy American" for suggesting to the student that one of the biggest lessons that they can take from the game is to do your best and try your hardest at all times...even when you don't feel like it. This message is really a hard sell here where mediocrity is the rule of the land. They have a Swedish word for it...lagom. It sort of means middle of the road...that is the target for the society. But on the whole the parents really appreciate my disciplined approach...with an old school influence. Not heavy handed but just enough to mean business. Just enough to get them to pay attention...to listen to me when I am talking. You know how I love an audience.

Funny thing is that as we are finding out this Scandinavian philosophy is the most sustainable one economically speaking...although it doesn't necessarily produce outstanding tennis players. On the other hand, I have not had to deal with any pushy parents at all. I have a rule that no parents are allowed on the court during training which has not been challenged to this date. I really enjoy discussing the development with every and all of the parents and encourage them to participate in the process but I find that they are reluctant to do so and leave the process up to me. It is one of the most rewarding aspects of my job.

I don't have any children of my own...thank God. But I do have four dogs...does that count? I always say to the parents that even though I don't have any children of my own that I am the worldsbestparent...they smile when I explain that I actually have their children for an hour or a two at a time...then they go home. Life is good.

[stotty]

I don't have any children of my own...thank God. But I do have four dogs...does that count? I always say to the parents that even though I don't have any children of my own that I am the worldsbestparent...they smile when I explain that I actually have their children for an hour or a two at a time...then they go home. Life is good.

My father had three children and umpteen dogs. He always maintained bringing up a child or a dog is principally the same. Sounds awful to many, but true. Training - or bringing up a child if you prefer - is a about love and discipline...right and wrong. There is isn't a whole lot of difference between puppy and child when you think about it.